Black Shaman Blog » Relationships

The Innate Power of a Hug

Alex Webley — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 18:51:48 +0000

Some spiritual ‘schools of thought’ believe that entire humanity is made up of shards of one whole soul. This means that man shares a portion of something that is much bigger than they are. What does this imply? It simply tells us that we are all connected in one way or another. Believers of the law of attraction say that we are connected to each other biologically, to the world chemically, and to the universe atomically. Whatever our personal beliefs are, there is one thing that holds true, and that is we all live through the power of connection.

The problem is that most of us think that we should live apart from the rest. We may interact with other people on a daily basis, but at the end of the day, many of us usually choose to handle and face our problems all by ourselves. Standing up for what we believe in and being accountable for the choices we make is a very good trait to have, but there’s a fine line between being courageous in looking after ourselves and pushing people away simply because we don’t want to involve them in our personal issues.

The fact is, we need connections with other people, especially with those who genuinely care for us. Even babies know this most basic need. Studies prove that babies who grow up with the plenty of touch tend to become happier and healthier individuals. As adults, we have to remember the importance of human touch. A hug makes a world of difference in a person’s life. Hugs connect people beyond space and beyond time. With two arms wrapped around our body, friendships can deepen and become more meaningful. On a personal note, I do not recall being touched by my mother in the early formative (up to age 6) years of my life. Obviously I would have been touched, probably quite often at times, however I doubt there was much love energy in it all. In fact, years later during times of ‘inner healing’, my sense of being ‘maternally bonded/conceptualized’ to a cat surfaced. No wonder I had so many psych/emotional problems and started out in life as a nasty little shit.

Time and distance are immaterial when it comes to connection. Though hugs may not be as easy to do for some people, we need to bear in mind that touch is a part of our five senses. A touch does not only serve our cognitive needs to familiarize ourselves more with the world, it also gives us a sense of having a richer experience in life. Touch therapists swear by it, saying that it also does wonders to our health.

The important thing is, we need to know how to communicate with others beyond language. After all, words only go so far**. Physical communication is another way to send out a message. With a mere embrace, or even subtle touch, we can tell people about what we really think of them. The hypothalamic area of our brain will experience a reduction of activity. When stress is present in our lives, we need a way to relax. Whatever method you employ, hugs are an added bonus.

So, if you find yourself at the crossroads of your life, seek out a friend or a family member. Ask for their comfort with the simple use of their two arms and immediately feel the connection with another kindred soul. Try it and see for yourself just how powerful and miraculous this simple gesture can be.

Consider too animals – the most obvious ones are cats and dogs. Have you noticed how they love to be touched? And that stroking them on one day is not enough for tomorrow, or the rest of the week.

** Words can carry great power to harm or heal, especially when spoken by those with relevant understanding, wisdom and knowledge.

The Innate Power of a Hug is a post from: Black Shaman Blog

Making Healthy Relationships Possible

Alex Webley — Sat, 09 May 2009 06:54:57 +0000

Life can be seen as one great big workout. We strive to keep a balance on the things that are in it and often find ourselves burned out. We often have to juggle our time between our personal needs and the demands of our career and we sometimes find ourselves breathless, as if we had to focus all our energies into fulfilling all of our duties. The 24 hours that are allotted to us each day are just not enough. We encounter problems and try to take every single setback as best we can. The truth, however, is that life is what we make of it.

Part of life’s experience is that we can encounter relationships that sour over time. Let this be a learning experience. In the end, there are just some things we cannot control, things that are out of our hands. For relationships to remain healthy, we need to look at ourselves first.

We must evaluate our actions and see what caused the problem in the first place. We can start by evaluating ourselves before implementing the changes from within. We cannot control the actions of other people. So instead of dwelling on what we cannot be in command of, we have to work on what we can change. It’s imperative for all of us to know the things that will enable us to become a friend, a colleague, and a partner that we want to become. We need to focus on being the right person.

Some people we come across, or are related to, will be what I call ‘toxic people‘. At times, one key solution with such people is to avoid them all-together. Personally, I have been unfortunate enough to have a number of toxic people in my close family. At one time, I was even a toxic person myself! As an aside from the main topic of this blog post — because two of the toxic people in my life were my parents (I do not see either of them now) how can we blame myself as some might interpret the Law Of Attraction? How could I have attracted awful parents? This is why we need to seek wisdom and not just blindly assume that the Law Of Attraction means that all bad things are our fault etc.

The first thing to assess is our worth and the value we have as a person. Are we the kind of friend to go the extra mile? Are we good confidants? Do we take our friends’ needs into consideration? These are only a few of the many questions we can ask ourselves. When the answer always leads to the negative, then maybe it’s high time that we think carefully about our basic inner nature and implement strategies for positive change.

The next thing to do is measure our level of commitment. Oftentimes, we don’t equate the longevity of our relationships with the kind of person we are. Of course, every situation is unique. We meet people along the way, and not many of them make ideal friends. The thing is, we have to know the cause for the breakdown of every bond we’ve created.

Then, we also weigh these against the relationships that have actually worked. We must commit ourselves to every association we find beneficial. What can help us get through life’s rough patches are the people that we’ve helped. After all, no man is an island. We need support during the most difficult of times, and the only way to make this possible is to become a true friend to the people we have in our lives. That said, spiritual adepts are aware of the experience and implications of not needing anyone to be happy, though appreciating (more than most people) good company when present.

When all is said and done, we should realize that we have the potential to be good and better people. We are more deserving of friendships when we don’t expect anything from them in return. People are naturally inclined to show kindness to those who are genuine with their deeds. As long as we stay true to ourselves and pursue worthy ideals, we can also say that we are comfortable with whom we are; which will help in our relationships. When we are happy, we are more likely to create ideal relationships.

This article has touched on some deep concepts and has only gently scratched the surface. As you dig deeper into the concepts you will enrich your life and your relationships.

You can also ask yourself: do you love people because you need them or do you need people because you love them?

Making Healthy Relationships Possible is a post from: Black Shaman Blog

Valentine’s Day is near – are you ready?

Alex Webley — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 12:38:18 +0000

Valentine’s Day will arrive on 14th of February – you have not got long to get organized if you haven’t done so already.

Stuck for ideas on how to make Valentine’s Day much more special for your partner?

Here are some tips:

Focus intently on the other person. Not yourself. An example of how not to go about things is guys who buy their girl racy lingerie that they (the guys) like without any consideration to what she likes. Good relationships are about love, not just sex, or just what you want.
Think creatively.
Do or buy someting different. Unusual perhaps.
Think carefully – thought really does count. Buying expensive gifts with little thought does not count for much.
Allocate special ‘alone time’ for the day.
Think of ways you can show your partner appreciation, gratitude and love.
Buy gifts or arrange surprises according to the other person’s interests. And hey, if their interests are way different to yours and that is a problem to you; why are you with them?
Perhaps you have realized that you don’t know much about your partner. Use the occasion as an opportunity to get to know them better.
Ask questions and be a good listener. Don’t talk too much.
Express love from the depths of your soul. If you don’t know how to do this then start seeking out the how. If you get stuck let me know. I can help you.
Decide to make a better effort for your partner every day of the year, not just Valentine’s Day.
Tailor what you say, write and do according to your partner. If they are the serious type then don’t be frivolous and so on.
Relax. Take deep slow breaths. Tension will hinder you.
Be with your partner – in person and mind. Don’t sit at dinner for example yakking on about what you are doing tomorrow or next week.
Make the most of the day – it is the only one you will ever have. Live in the now – the present moment – to the full.
Enjoy, have fun!

“Gifts They’ll Heart… at Prices You’ll Love.”

Valentine’s Day is near – are you ready? is a post from: Black Shaman Blog