The Need for Self-Confidence
We all have hidden fears that we don’t always want to share with friends or family. These fears often leave us paralyzed. When the need to overcome these fears is required, we often choose to take the easy way out: hide and run for cover.
In order to succeed in life, we first have to believe in ourselves. All this talk about finding ways to achieve success is pointless when we don’t trust our own talents and abilities. Without self confidence, we won’t have the tools to face life’s challenges with composure. The dilemma we sometimes face is not knowing how to gain self confidence when we don’t really have it in us. Do we really have to experience success first before we believe in ourselves? Maybe, in some cases, but then again, many set themselves up to be discouraged before they’ve even tried anything.
To make your goals more attainable, you can make things more manageable by breaking down your larger goal into smaller ones. The chances for success then increase. Then, make sure that you celebrate each small feat that you achieve.
Self image is another important factor. If you constantly criticize yourself, you will never feel adequate. Remember, negativity begets negativity. This low self image is sometimes the by-product of your life experiences as you face the devastating blows of your wrong choices. You need to realize that these mistakes will never hold you down as long as you don’t allow them to. You need to look at now, not yesterday! What have you learned from the blunder? Use this and let it be a guide as you continue on life’s path. And then there are people who also affect the way you look at yourself. The decision of whether or not spend some toxic time with these individuals is all up to you. Learn to put your foot down and seek out those who can be more helpful to your overall growth. You may also be deprogrammed from deep seated negativity inflicted on you by your parents – from what they said, or didn’t say, and what they did, or didn’t do – I know I did.
You need to see yourself as inherently worthy. Be aware of how unique you are and realize that you are more than capable of contributing to the good of the world. Pay attention to only those who want what’s best for you and turn a deaf ear to those who just want to see you go down. The ones that deserve your time are the ones who recognize your inner strength and potential. Look at yourself in a more positive light and start to see what you are actually blessed with.
I remember many years ago now, when towards the end of some Army training in Germany (part time, Reserve), just prior to returning to the United Kingdom, the RSM (Regimental Sargeant Major) summoned me to his room – not his office but his private quarters – and said: “Webley, you would make a good soldier”. At the time I could not see what he meant, my self image was so bad. Many years later I did see what he could see way back then. RSMs, who for the uninformed are the most senior NCO’s in a regiment, are, along with more junior NCO’s, the backbone of the Army. RSMs know how people tick. They know men – who you really are underneath. This particular RSM, who was retired from the regular Army, was a combat veteran; which of course meant that he had an even deeper knowing.
Over the years I have never forgotten the RSM, who showed me other kindnesses and was one of the few to do so in my youth (or childhood). Being an intuitive and deep person, it was via him that I sensed the love that usually only soldiers who have been in combat know and understand.
I learnt a lot from the RSM, some of which only revealed itself many years later. One of these is that you can be a ‘real man’ and care. Something most of these macho types, many of whom walk as if they have some kind of suppository stuck up their backside, don’t understand.
My father on the other hand, among other things, used to look at me with hate and venom in his eyes as he spat out the words: “You are just like your mother”. Likewise with the word “pest”. He even used to spell it out to me P E S T, emphasizing each syllable. Today I have deep understanding of what he did to me (and have recovered), but back then I had no idea and suffered the consequences.
My Dad is someone who liked bullying little boys. If it had been necessary, I would have died for the RSM, but not for Malcolm Webley, Tony Webley, Charles Webley or whatever name my biological father uses these days. You see, the RSM was in spirit, my real Dad.
Your self image is intimately intertwined with your destiny. You have to guard you thoughts against feelings of inadequacy. The power of a positive vision should never be underestimated. This is what helped the most genuinely successful people on their way to the top. A rule of thumb states that the clearer the goal is, the higher your self confidence gets. Even the most capable mind and body need a good dose of self confidence. Only with trusting yourself and knowing what you are capable of will you ever be able to attain success.
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